A small woman climbs nimbly on to my bed and with heavenly hands massages my shoulders and neck.
There is definitely no “running jump” like the one so vividly described by one of my, clearly over-imaginative, travelling companions...
I had planned to watch out for it – eyes peeled as I lay face down with my head resting in a cushioned hollow.
But once Yaya, for that’s her name, gets to work with the aromatic oils and I relax on to the heated couch, well, basically... I just forget everything.
Even so, I’m sure I would have felt the draught of any run-up!
Outside the sun should be beating down on the eastern Algarve.
It isn’t. But according to everybody you speak to this is highly unusual and we are particularly unlucky not to get blue skies in early March.
Fortunately, as this is a spa break it doesn’t seem to matter quite so much.
Portugal has long been famous for its beaches and golf courses. Now it’s working on developing a reputation for its Thalasso therapies and body treatments.
Five-star hotels with more pools than you can shake a stick at are now spending fortunes on purpose-built health clubs. But so too are the smaller boutique hotels – with everyone looking to find something new and different to offer their clientele.
And for those of us who don’t know an eagle from a bogey, it’s a very alluring option.
Yaya is one of the therapists at the smart Tivoli Marina Hotel in Vilamoura and clearly an expert in Thai massage.
An hour later I positively float out of the hotel’s Angsana Spa, happy to abandon myself to anything the rest of the day brings.
As it happens that turns out to be another massage – but I’m getting ahead of myself.
The spa reputed to be the best in the Algarve is the Hilton’s Seven Spa which is stunning by any standards.
Built underground, yet bathed in natural light, its reception includes a well-stocked bar and a manager who has no truck with those who believe pampering needs to be about abstention. Fancy a stiff gin and tonic after your facial or a smooth glass of red before your Balinese wrap? No problem.
In the glorious VIP suite with its two treatment beds and lockable door, a private whirlpool bath comes equipped with a built-in ice bucket for that oh-so-important champagne.
“Many honeymoon couples use it,” the manager tells us. “They both have a treatment and then use the suite for a couple of hours. And yes, I did once walk in to find two people having fun in the Jacuzzi.”
Beyond, there are vast treatment rooms, quiet pools, underwater hydro beds, “tropical rain” showers with birdsong and a Scottish shower so powerful it can allegedly leave you black and blue with bruises. Can’t see the attraction myself.
Champagne also features in the spa at the small but perfectly-formed Monte do Casal Hotel – a gem of an oasis looking out on to Portugal’s Ria Formosa Natural Park.
Here customers can enjoy body scrubs and massages while gazing down at giant goldfish through the glass floor of a treatment room – or lying outside behind cream linen drapes on the wooden gazebo.
“We feed the fish and they swim for you,” beams the hotel’s marketing boss. As if they wouldn’t swim otherwise. And if you can only bear so much exfoliation then there are always the olive tours, boat trips and cookery classes – not to mention the fabulous food.
Nothing is far from the sea here but if you’re looking for a spa experience that’s right on the coast the Hotel Algarve Casino sits proudly above the area’s famous Praia da Rocha – the beach that launched tourism here in the Algarve.
Or if you need to be literally on the doorstep of one of the area’s 30 magnificent golf courses then opt for Vila Sol or the newly-opened and much-heralded Tivoli Victoria.
At Vila Sol, the emphasis is very much on relaxation.
We swim in the spa pool (no insistence on bathing caps at this one), sip fruit tea and laze on wooden sun-loungers in our fluffy white bathrobes. We’re awaiting a good scrubbing with coconut or almond oil while carefully guarding the areas of sunburn that some of us have acquired since the sudden arrival of the sun.
The spa at the Tivoli Victoria is not yet open when we arrive in the spring – in fact the whole hotel has only been up and running for a few days. But if the five-star luxury of its rooms is anything to go by its health club is likely to be a treat.
The walk-in showers and baths, open to the bedroom, are big enough for two – so too are the balcony sun-loungers, wide and deep and cushioned with soft cream mattresses. Those by the pool are more like kingsize beds.
You could certainly never call the Portuguese unromantic.
In Vilamoura’s Lake Spa Resort with its stylish Blue Spa and Green Spa even some the breakfast tables are curtained off to allow diners to indulge in God knows what over their toast and orange jam (bit of a speciality in the Algarve, orange jam).
At Monte do Casal, staff use a private outside access and knock lightly on the window before leaving your bacon and eggs beautifully set up on a table outside.
There’s none of that leaping out of bed to open the door to room service puffing, red-faced and wearing your scruffiest pyjamas.
All in all, this part of the Algarve at this time of the year is perfect for couples.
In fact the kids’ room at the otherwise lovely Vila Monte Resort speaks volumes.
It’s all of 10 foot square.
THE FACTS
Hotel prices vary with use of the spa usually included and treatment costs on top.
But beware, some hotels do charge extra just to use the spa facilities.
Double rooms at the Tivoli Marina, Vilamoura, start at £150 a night. A twin deluxe with a garden view at the Tivoli Victoria starts at £240.
For more information about the Algarve, you can visit www.visitalgarve.pt.
Low fares airline Monarch offers flights to Faro from Birmingham, London Gatwick, London Luton (summer season only) and Manchester airports with fares, including taxes, starting from £48.50 one-way (£85.99 return).
Seats can be pre-booked and for only £20 extra-legroom seats are available which offer up to six inches of extra space.
For more information or to book, visit www.monarch.co.uk.
